Hate What You've Become
by XXforget-x-me-x-notXX
Summary: Kenny's not the same person he used to be. He's angry all the time, at everyone, so everyone gave up on him.
1. A Place Where I Can Hide

**Random and slightly pointless introduction: **This is a story about Kenny, but it's not always going to be his point of view. That's pretty much all I have to say. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, so expect the worst from this story.

**Warning: **Swearing.

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This is ridiculous. This is fucking ridiculous. I got sent to detention for fighting with Craig. But where's that bastard? He's at home, probably either fucking Wendy or watching TV. But I don't get let off easy. Why? Because I'm me.

I'm Kenny fucking McCormic. I get pushed around my whole life, kicked when I'm down. Hell, I'm the person people go to when they need to punch something. I'm nothing more than the own punching bag. Because hurting me doesn't have consequences. Since when have my feelings, my emotions, and my thoughts ever mattered?

My parents, my brother, my friends, my teachers... They don't give a damn what happens to me. It takes way too much effort to care about me anyway. Don't waste your energy, right? I die every day anyway. It's not like my life is worth a dime. Not even to me.

I grabbed my backpack and started to leave the room.

"Sit back down, Mr. McCormick!" the cranky old teacher snapped. Her multiple chins waggles angrily. She might even have more chins that Cartman. She shoved her ugly glasses up her hooked nose and glared at me with those beady vulture-like eyes. "I will not tolerate this disrespect."

I almost laughed. "You think that I should _respect _you?"

"I'm your teacher!" she replied in utter disbelief.

"That means absolutely nothing to me," I spat out harshly. "You've done nothing to make me respect you."

"I'm your elder," she said, clearly trying to maintain composure.

"What's your point? You think that just since you've lived a longer life and have more wrinkles than me that you've earned respect? Bitch, think again," I responded with a small, cold chuckle. "I'd bet a million dollars that my life has felt much longer than yours."

She just stared at me for a moment, and I took that as an invitation to leave.

I didn't want to go home, since I'd just be yelled at by my mom while my dad drank until he passed out. So I just walked to Stark's Pond.

I sat on the bench and shoved my earphones in, putting my old iPod on shuffle. The first song that came up was on that I hadn't listened to since five years ago, in the seventh grade.

_It seems the more we talk_

_ The less I have to say_

_ Let's put our differences aside_

I swear, I still know all the lyrics and could sing along. I listened to it repetitively all through seventh grade. I thought it described my life perfectly. Fuck, I was so full of angst.

_ I wanted to make you proud_

_ But I just got in your way_

_ I found a place that I can hide_

A place that I can hide. Stark's Pond. I used to come here at all hours of the night, for various reasons. It was either that I wanted to cry by myself after my dad hit me, or after my mom called me useless, or after a fight with my brother or friends.

_ Now everything is changing_

No one seemed to ever come to Stark's Pond any more but me. We used to always come here when we were young, just to hang out. Up until sixth grade, all of the kids would constantly be here. And then up until ninth grade, all of us would come here if we were sad. I don't know what happened, but now it's just me. Maybe they have better things to do. I guess if Kyle or Stan have anything going wrong in their lives, they'd rather just go over to each other's houses, instead of here. They've just gotten closer over the years. And Cartman- if he ever has anything more than a petty problem, that is- would probably jut suck it up for fear of getting laughed at if he was caught. After all, it's not like anyone would give him sympathy.

_ But I still feel the same_

Or maybe I just never grew out of something that we were supposed to let go of. It is senior year, after all.

_ We're running out of time_

Not like that means anything to me. Time. I hardly blink an eye and a month passes, or a day feels like years. My life is kind of like sitting in an empty white room with no windows and no door. You lose track of time, you lose track of people, and you lose track of yourself and your thoughts.

_ What do I have to do?_

_ To try and make you see_

_ That this is who I am_

_ And it's all that I can be_

_ I tried to find myself_

_ Looking inside your eyes_

_ You were all that I wanted to be_

I'm not sure when I fell asleep on the bench, but I remember waking up in complete darkness, while my iPod was playing Don't Go Away by Buckcherry._ It's better when you're here, please don't do away, you're making a mistake... _I glanced at the time. Four thirty in the morning. I sighed and walked home as slowly, pulling a cigarette and my old black lighter out of my back pocket. I blew the smoke in front of my face and watched it slowly disappear.

My house was dark when I got home, of course. All the lights were out. I highly doubt my parents even noticed I wasn't there. Maybe they thought I had died again or something. I dropped my cigarette on the porch and slid my heel over it before going to my room and collapsing on the bed.

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A/N: Songs used: Good Enough by Lifehouse and Don't Go Away by Buckcherry.

Good songs, in my personal opinion.

So as I said, expect the worst.

Next chapter will be told by Stan's POV.

Review? Yes? Maybe? Please?


	2. He Can Do What He Wants

**Random and slightly pointless introduction: **So this is Stan's POV. Nothing happens in this chapter, it basically just explains everything that's happened since around 8th or 9th grade. Setting the scene of Stan's POV, basically. We're going to have a few more chapters like this, and then there's going to be an actual story, with actual events, so just bear with me.

**Warning: **Swearing. Well, not much in this chapter...

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Kenny.

Kenny's... changed, to say the least. He has a silver stud on his nose, as well as a lip ring and several ear piercings. His dirty blond hair partially covers his empty azure eyes. He has a number of tattoos, half of which I'd bet he doesn't remember getting. He normally just wears his ripped up dark blue jeans with his black ribbed tank top that has a picture of a skull with a rose coming out of its mouth on it. He's rarely seem without a cigarette between his chapped lips. He's got these big, muscular arms with scars and cuts and bruises all over them, as well as on his face. The only thing that lets me know he's Kenny is that damn orange hoodie he always has with him, whether he's wearing it or not.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't know why he's changed so much.

Someone gets pushed around long enough, or has their heart broken one too many times, they're bound to get bitter. And God knows Kenny's been through more than anyone I know.

He used to be happy and carefree. He used to let the things that happened to him roll off his back, even laugh at the irony and ridiculousness of it all sometimes. He'd drink, and do drugs, but nothing as serious as he;s doing now. And anyway, those times were just for fun, he was just fooling around. Nothing really bad ever came from it or anything.

To sum it up, he was stronger than any of us. Kyle would get a C and get so pissed he'd refuse to talk to anyone. I'd get dumped again by Wendy and wallow in self-pity for a week. Cartman would... Well, no ones ever sure what happens to Cartman, there are just periods of time where he acts weird, either unnaturally depressed or mad.

But Kenny... He'd go through weeks of complete Hell, but no one would even realize it. He was too strong to let anything affect him.

One time, he'd been going out with this girl for months, and we could tell he was really into her, and she wasn't just some chick he was fucking to pass time like the others. She actually meant something to him, and even Cartman could tell you that. Then, one day, he came to school with a black eye, and we didn't hear about the girl for a while. I just assumed that the black eye was from a fight he'd gotten in with his brother or dad. That sort of shit happens sometimes with Kenny, and its normal. As for the girl, I just thought he'd lost interest.

We found out a few weeks later that the girl's boyfriend showed up at Kenny's house and beat the crap out of him. The girl had apparently been lying to Kenny all this time, and her boyfriend found out about her cheating. And since everyone knows about Kenny, he automatically blamed him. Which was the natural response, I guess.

I have no idea how Kenny ever did that. How he ever just brushed things off like nothing happened. It had to have hurt, right? Why is it that he could shrug it off? Was he just used to it?

I know if I had gone through that with Wendy, I would've been up to my fucking neck in self-pity. It would've been completely pathetic, I know, but that's the type of emo, pussy shit I do. How Kenny did what he did is beyond me. I heard he didn't even fight back when the boyfriend came to his house.

But he's not like that any more. Now he's just angry all the time. He cut himself off from almost everyone, too. Every once in a while, I'll see him smoking behind the school or sulking in the corner of the cafeteria. He has food in front of him, but he never eats it. He just pokes at it with his fork, glaring viciously at anyone who comes within ten feet of him. It didn't take people long to figure out that they should keep their distance.

As for Kyle, Cartman, and I, we tried, I swear. We fucking tried to talk to him, and to get close to him again. He just wouldn't have it. If you'd seen the look in his eyes, you would've backed off, too, so don't judge me for giving up on him. He wanted me to.

The first of us to give up was Kyle, due to his lack of patience and short temper. The last was Cartman. Kyle gave up maybe two week before me, and I gave up months before Cartman did. That Cartman, say what you want about him, but he's persistent when it comes to things he really cares about.

See, the only person who ever truly knew Cartman or was ever truly his friend was Kenny. Kyle tolerated Cartman as best he could, I simply can't bring myself to be mean to anyone, and Butters was always kind of like Cartman's bitch. But with Kenny, it was different, and we all knew that. Kenny was Cartman's best friend, whether either of them would admit it or not.

Anyway, I hardly saw Cartman for a while. He would follow Kenny, talk to him, spend as much time with him as physically possible. Kenny never seemed to really respond. One day, neither of them came to school. The next day, Kenny was no where to be seen, but Cartman was there. He was quiet and moody. I asked him what had happened between him and Kenny, if he was alright, shit like that, and he just quietly responded that Kenny could do whatever the fuck he wanted and it wouldn't mean a damn thing to him.

That was a lie, of course. Cartman completely cared. I don't know what happened that day that they cut school, and neither does Kyle. Kenny sure as hell wasn't gonna tell us that-or anything else, for that matter- and Cartman seemed intent on forgetting everything about Kenny. If anyone ever so much as brought up Kenny's name after that, Cartman would leave without a word, with this weird look in his eyes.

So that was it for our group. Kyle and I are still as close as ever, Cartman comes and goes, and who knows what's going on with Kenny. I guess he's just in his own little world. Fine with me. He can do what he wants.

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A/N: So. How was that? I'd really like to know.

Next chapter is Kyle's POV.


End file.
